Wanting to fit in again || Trent solo para 

Trent was driving and driving, having just left the coffee shop, unsure of where to go. The landscape passed in a blur as he let his hands and feet take over to lead him somewhere. He honestly wasn’t all that surprised when minutes later he was pulling into the local fitness center. His trainer had texted to cancel their appointment, something about being sick, so Trent was on his own, nobody to help him, but more importantly, nobody to stop him from overdoing it. 

Trent exited the vehicles, the rocks beneath his feet crunching as he made his way to the door of the high class fitness facility. Once inside he was greeted by the receptionist who gave him a polite smile and nod. He mad his way past the machines and free weights to the locker room. There he searched out his locker, locating it and twisting the lock until the combination unlocked it. Taking his clothes out of the locker he made his way to a bathroom stall, not full comfortable changing out in the open, even if the locker room was empty as it currently was. Sliding the lock close Trent turned to stare at the toilet in front of him. His fingers itched to find their way to the back of his throats to expel the comments of his fairly empty stomach. 

He knew he fucked everything up. Nick was trying to be nice and he fucked it up. Same with Wes’ relationship. They were over because Trent couldn’t keep his mouth closed. David seemed to hate his presence, and Trent had made Jeff feel bad. This was going all wrong. He was suppose to come back to Dalton and be happy, but ever since his return he felt out of place, he felt like he didn’t belong. Everyone knew his dirty little secret, and it seemed like everyone wanted him to fuck up. They were just waiting. 

With a smirk Trent turned from the toilet, choosing instead to change his clothes. He wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of going back to that place. Yes he might over due it a little when working out, but that was nothing to what he could do. It was an improvement, it was progress. At least Trent hoped to god it was progress still. 

Solo Para |Trent 

 Debbie Nixon was an amazing woman, anyone could attest to that, especially her seventeen-year-old son Trent. Early on her husband had left the family because of Trent. Debbie would never tell her son that his father left because he suspected Trent was gay since he wanted girly stuff for his birthday instead of sporty items and such. Debbie was heartbroken but at the same time promised herself that she would never let anyone hurt Trent the way that her husband had hurt her and his only son. Little did she know that the person that would hurt Trent the most was his own mind. She had always told Trent that he was amazing and perfect the way he was and told him that she accepted him no matter who he liked, how he looked, or his beliefs. Debbie wasn’t the least bit surprised when she was approached one afternoon by Trent and he told her the truth, that he was indeed gay. She immediately pulled him into a hug and reassured the crying boy that he wasn’t going to hell and that she loved him no matter what. She did everything to make sure that he son was happy and that brought the two very close, someone would even say they were practically best friends. Trent confided everything in here. It was because Trent confided everything in her that she knew something was wrong when he stopped returning her calls and sending her daily text messages about his life.

Trent always kept her updated on his life and vice versa. Debbie was excited beyond words when Trent called her about his boyfriend Matty. She could hear the happiness in his voice and it made her so happy. She knew Trent thought he would never find someone and the fact that he did made her want to scream with happiness. She had hopped this would prevent him from going back to that dark place that had put the family through a whirlwind. But then the phone calls stopped. She figured maybe he was busy or something. Soon the texts stopped, and the fact that she hadn’t heard from her son in a few days scared her beyond belief. She was ready to make the drive to Dalton to go check on her only son when she got a call from him. The minute she head him speak she knew something was wrong. The happiness that usually filled his voice was gone; instead it was replaced by a sad, hurt voice that made her heartbreak. “Mom” Trent told her quietly “I need to tell you something.” When Debbie heard her sons voice it immediately brought her back to that time a few years ago when eating disorders had taken over her sons life.

She sat there and watched her son essentially kill himself. She didn’t know how to stop it and she also knew that there was no way to stop it unless Trent wanted help. He needed to want help to. So she was there everyday, trying to get her son to eat, telling him how amazing and gorgeous and perfect he was, in hopes that it would help him a little. She did everything her mind could think of except forcing him into counseling. She knew that he needed to want to help himself first if there was anyway he was going to get better. If anyone asked her about that day she could tell you clearly what happened. Trent had gotten home from running “errands” but she knew he had been at the gym for hours because she knew her son. She frowned at his body, it was looking way to skinny for his body frame and he looked so weak. He gave her a forced smile, the sparkle in his eyes gone. She heard him go upstairs to his room where he blasted music so that he could throw up without being heard. Twenty minutes had gone by and the music was still blasting, this was unusual for Trent. Debbie went up to his room and knocked loudly. When she got no response she opened the unlocked door and went into the room. She was not prepared for the sight in front of her and let out a blood-curling scream. Her son, her only baby laid on the floor leading from his bathroom motionless. The tears wouldn’t stop as she saw the drops of blood on the tissue in his hand. She ran over to him, thanking god when she found a pulse on him. It was faint but it was there. She had to save her baby. Debbie immediately called 911 and waited for the paramedics to arrive as she held her son and rocked him, praying for him to live through the tears that were streaming down her face. Trent was the reason that she lived; he was her everything and she was not going to lose him. When the paramedics finally arrived after what seemed like hours they loaded the malnourished boy onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. One of the Nixon’s neighbors had heard the scream and came over, volunteering to drive the sobbing Debbie to the hospital since she was in no shape to drive herself. Debbie waited for hours in the waiting room for news on her son. Was he alive? Was he going to be okay? When could she seem him? She heard nothing for two and a half hours. When the doctor finally came out and told her that her son was stable, but nowhere near healthy she broke down in his arms, not able to hear the soothing words that he was trying to comfort her with

Trent was in the hospital for close to a week and day or night if someone went into his room they would see Debbie Nixon sitting at his bedside either crying while Trent was asleep or reading to him and reminiscing happy times with him while he was awake. She canceled all her appointments at work because her son was far more important to her. Debbie pleaded with her son to get help so that he could be happy and healthy again. She missed him, the person in the hospital bed in front of her was not her son it was someone else. The long journey of getting better soon started. She was there to take him to all his group counseling and individual counseling meetings. She made sure that he ate healthy and even went on a diet so they were following the same diet plan. The biggest thing she did was find and transfer him to Dalton. Debbie heard about the torture that Trent went through on a day-to-day basis at her school and she didn’t understand how someone could hurt her son. He would never hurt anyone, so why did they have to hurt him? A friend suggested a small all boy school called Dalton. Debbie knew her son loved to sing and she had heard of their amazing a cappella group called the Warblers. She hoped that this was what was needed to get her son better. Once the doctor gave him the okay to go back to school Debbie transferred Trent to Dalton. Just a few days in and she could hear the happiness in her son’s voice. She was ecstatic; she was finally getting her son back. When she got that phone call from him she started crying almost immediately because she knew she was losing her son again.  “What is it baby? What’s wrong?” Debbie asked, even though in the back of her mind she knew what is wrong.

 The doctors had warned her that he could relapse. They having an ed is like being addicted to alcohol, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic. All that had to happen was for someone to trigger something in him and he would go back to that point. Nothing was suppose to trigger him at Dalton though! They had a strict no bullying policy, so what had happened? “I-I messed up mom. I don’t know what happened, but I can’t stop. I’m so sorry. Please, please don’t hate me.” Trent told her as he blinked back tears in his eyes. Debbie felt her own tears prickle at her eyes and she shook her head, even though he couldn’t see it. “I could never hate you sweetie, tell me what is wrong. I’ve been worried about you. You haven’t called, did something happen with Matty?” Debbie knew that if Matty had hurt her son and made him like this again she would seriously hurt him. How could anyone be mean and hurtful to her baby!

 “No mom, he’s been amazing. It’s actually because of him that I am calling. Him, David, and Wes made me call mom. “ Trent sat down on his bed, pulling his knees to his chest. He could hear the worry in his mom’s voice and he hated hurting her. She was such an amazing woman and had been there so much for her and now he was hurting her. “Mommy I t-think I need help.” Trent told her as he slowly let the tears fall from his eyes. On the other end of the line Debbie grasped the counter in her kitchen to steady herself. Her son hadn’t called her mommy said he was little. He sounded so vulnerable and hurt on the phone. She just wanted to wrap him up in her arms and tell him that it was okay. She felt helpless since she was so a half an hour away from Dalton and couldn’t hold him right now. “Sweetie, are you okay? A-are you…are you having troubles again? Debbie braced herself for the answer that she as sure to come. She knew her son so well, and she knew that he had gotten back to that horrible place. She could hear him take a deep breath to steady his breathing. “I don’t think so mom. I’m not okay. The voices, they wont stop. They keep telling me how horrible I am. How ugly I am. How worthless I am. How fat and stupid I am. How I don’t deserve Matty. Mommy make them stop. Please make them stop. “ Trent pleaded as he curled himself into a ball on his bed and let the tears flow loose from his eyes. He just wanted to stop and be happy again. He didn’t know how to though.

Debbie could feel her heart breaking as he son spoke. He was none of those things. None at all. She knew she could only do so much on the phone so as she spoke she went in search for her keys and her purse, ready to drive to Dalton. There was no way that she would let her crying son be alone and not be comforted. She had to be there with him. She also knew that she had to be strong for Trent, he needed someone to rely on. Debbie did her best to stop the tears from flowing and told Trent in a calm voice. “Honey, you are none of those things. You are perfect just the way you are. And I will make them stop. We will make them stop. You are going to be healthy again. I’m on my way sweetie. I’m on my way.” Debbie hoped that her words put at least a little bit of ease to Trent’s mind. Once she had her purse Debbie looked for the card that she always had ready, just in case. It was the number of Trent’s old therapist that had helped him through everything last time. “Trent sweetie, I am on my way. I am going to call Dr. Barnes and I will be there shortly, okay?”

Trent tried to slow down his crying as he heard his mom speak. He wanted so desperately to believe her, his mom would never lie to him after all. But he couldn’t his mind wouldn’t let him. So he just simply responded with an “Okay mom. Please hurry. I need you” when she told him that she would be there shortly. He was scared about going back to Dr. Barnes, he didn’t want to hear the disappointment in his voice too. He hung up with his mom and just cried, waiting for her to arrive.

Debbie didn’t care about road rules at the moment, he son was way to important to actually go the speed limit. As she drove and tried to push the feeling of wanting to be sick out of her stomach she called Dr. Barnes. Unfortunately the soonest that he could see Trent was next week, she just hoped that it wouldn’t be too late. She was pretty well educated on Ed’s at this point and knew that Trent would need help soon. Unfortunately finding another therapist was hard. Trent had to be able to connect with the person or he would never be able tot open up to someone. Dr. Barnes was the fifth therapist that Trent saw in the outpatient rehab facility that he attended for a few months until he was better.  She knew that he had to see him if he had hopes of wanting to get better.

 Twenty minutes later Debbie was pulling into a parking spot at Dalton and rushing up to her son’s room. She didn’t care that she bumped into a few confused students, or was chased down the hallway but a faculty member, all that was important to her was that she got to her son.  In his room Trent smiled a little as he heard ruckus outside of his room. His mom was here being as amazing as ever. When she walked into his room she found him curled into a ball, crying to himself. Debbie wasted no time in going over to him and quickly pulling him into her arms. “It’s okay baby, I’m here. You are going to be okay, sweetie. Everything is going to be okay.” Trent pleaded hysterically through sobs. “I will baby, the voices will stop you are going to get better. I promise.” Debbie told him as she finally let her own tears fall down from her eyes. She rubbed his back as his tears started to soak through to here shirt. If anyone walked into the room that night that would be how they would find the two of them, Trent desperately clutching to his mom as she tried to calm him down. A few hours later they both finally felt themselves from the exhaustion of crying. In a sleepy voice Trent quietly asked his mom “You really promise? I will get better?.” Debbie rubbed his back and kissed the top of his head. “I really promise sweetie, you will get better. If it is the last thing I do.”

Solo Para |Trent 

Trent looked through the old box, the one that was hidden deep in his closet, the one that nobody had ever seen before, the one that his mom thought he had gotten rid of all those years ago. The box contained all his thin-spiration journals. Journals that were full of detailed, calorie counts and workout schedules. Journals that contained pictures of people such as Ryan Gosling and Zac Efron, people that he wanted to one day look like. He sat on his bed looking through them, remembering that time years ago in middle school where he was ridiculed every day for his hair, for his weight, for being gay, for everything it seemed. It was those taunts, those words that pushed to him so far. Trent let a few tears slip down as he remember the pain he felt, the hurt, the misery that he went through. He remember pushing away every meal in front of him, swallowing diet pill after diet pill, working out for hours on end, throwing up the few meals he had to eat to keep up appearances with his mom, all in the desperate attempt to fit into a place that he would never be accepted.

He turned the pages in the journals, smiling a bitter smile as he saw the weight listings, seeing his lowest weight and wanting to be that low again. Oh what he would give to be there, because it was there that he was no longer taunted about his weight, where he got a few more friends. It was also there where he remember waking up in a hospital bed, his mom uncontrollably sobbing while clutching his hand. He knew immediately what happened, it had all caught up to him. He had passed out after a particularly long workout and not eating for two days. He had been caught. Everyone knew. Trent let a few more tears shed as he rememebered his mom’s desperate plea to enter rehab, to talk to someone, to get help. She had been his strength, his rock, his everything. It was because of her that he made it through the long process of healing. She was there when he broke down and needed someone to hold him, she was there when he threw up because his stomach couldn’t get anything down. She was there the three more times he was hospitalized, she was always there. And it was her who suggested he go to Dalton.

Dalton was the first place that he was accepted, that he was liked, that he wasn’t taunted. He quickly became friends with many of the Warblers, finally feeling like he belonged. He wasn’t teased or taunted, he was complimented he was loved. The realization that he probably wouldn’t be with anyone was still in the back of his mind, but it wasn’t strong enough to bring him back to that place. For years he wasn’t called ‘fat, ugly, a piece of shit, an elephant, a cow’ but he was told that he was awesome, and amazing, and fabulous. And he met Matty. Matty was someone he fell hard for. Someone he realized early on that he loved, and Matty liked him back. It threw Trent for a whirlwind. That someone could like him, apperance and all. He had a hard time believing Matty though, he wanted to, he wanted to so bad. He just couldn’t. And then he fucked up and Seb sent him those texts. Tell him that he was a fat shit, that he wasn’t good enough. Suddenly all those good things that people had said were cancelled out by those few words. Those few words brought everything back. They made him want to go back to that time where he was skinny, where he was accepted, in hopes of being good enough for Matty. As Trent the journals away the tears kept flowing, he didn’t know how to stop. He laid on his bed, clutching the diet pills as he stared at his reflection at his mirror. He wanted to fight the feelings. He wanted to so bad. He just couldn’t. He had to be good enough for Matty, he had to deserve him. And now. Looking like this, he didn’t deserve him. Trent calmed himself down enough to take a handful of diet pills with some water before laying down and shedding a single tear as he let himself fall into a deep sleep, clutching his phone, hoping for Matty to talk to him.